It's called an adrenaline rush

Twitter

2009-07-09T18:53:12Z

thetwistedstar @ 2008-12-23T18:04:00

2008-12-23T23:04:37Z

I have the strongest urge to write which I haven't had in the longest time. I just have NO idea what to write about.

November 03

2008-11-04T03:10:02Z

She was wrapped around him, her hands entangled in his hair, her legs entwined with his and nothing could pry her away. He was her everything, and there would be no letting go. She had tried to live her life without him and it nearly killed her. There was only a hole left where he’d left, but then it was filled again. He had returned to her and he was now hers. She would give him everything and keep nothing from him. There was a blissful feeling that surrounded them as the pool of blood on the floor grew larger. It was mingling, just like their bodies and hearts had. They would be together now. Forever.

November 02

2008-11-03T00:58:35Z

He was walking down the street with a bounce in his step, a smile on his face, and a feather boa wrapped around his neck. He had lost count of the people that gawked at his appearance, and he didn't really care. Yesterday he had been broken, used, and lost. Today he wouldn't be that man. He was going to grab life by the balls and hold on until the day he was thrown off. He wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for himself like a deadbeat like he had before. She may have ripped a hole in his life, but he wasn't going to let it hurt anymore. He'd fill it with hope. And that's all he needed now.

November 01

2008-11-02T02:53:43Z

He watched her as she slept, the faint moonlight filtering through the curtains lighting up her face. She looked so peaceful, so innocent. He would do anything for her. She rolled away, her sigh the only sound in their room. He slid the covers further up her body, making sure she wouldn't be cold. He went to the window and shut it, knowing she would just get up to do it anyway in a few hours from the chill. He made sure no sound came from his footfalls so she could sleep peacefully. He turned his eyes on her again, admiring the curves under the blankets. There was nothing more perfect than her, and the curve of her belly where their baby was growing.

Clean out

2008-10-30T00:43:43Z

I'm going through and cleaning out icons and friends that I never talk to and communities and such. I know I haven't been active and I don't think I will be for a while. I have a 5 year old, 4 year old, 7 month old, and now I find out one on the way. Not what I was wanting, but it's coming. I'm sick, I'm tired, and rather apathetic at the moment. It'll be a miracle if this journal gets updated except for the mini-NaNoWriMo I plan on participating in.

If you still want to be my friend, remember I will doubtfully be updating any of my unfinished stories anytime soon, if at all. My interests have changed, my personality is a little more reality based, and I'm basically an adult acting like an adult now because I have to. Sorry to those of you who even care if I continue with anything on here.

Hot Damn!

2008-09-13T12:19:27Z

So, my birthday is later this month, and Will got me a tattoo!

thetwistedstar @ 2008-08-20T19:29:00

2008-08-20T23:30:10Z

today can be emo day, yes?

*emos*

thetwistedstar @ 2008-08-10T15:01:00

2008-08-10T19:02:33Z

If you have the Olympics on as background noise, it sounds like commentary to a bad porn movie.

OTP

2008-08-06T23:58:26Z

Win

In other news, I can fit my ass into size 16 KIDS jeans.

( It gives me a happy )

Shag Meme stolen from dragontatt

2008-07-23T17:03:26Z

1. Bold the names of guys you'd definitely have sex with.
2. Italicize the names of guys you might have sex with after a little persuasion.
3. Leave the guys who don't do anything for you alone.
4. Turn gray the names of guys you can't actually get a mental image of.
5. Strike the guys you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.
6. ADD FOUR OF YOUR OWN AT THE END. NOTE THAT THESE ARE THE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, NOT THE ACTORS THEMSELVES...(That's a whole other survey!)

1) Dr. Christian Troy (Nip/Tuck, tv)
2) Mike Delfino (Desperate Housewives, tv)
3) ~~Dr. Gregory House (House M.D., tv)~~
4) Warrick Brown (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, tv)
5) Dr. Derek Shepherd (Grey’s Anatomy, tv)
6) Anthony (Tony) DiNozzo (NCIS, tv)
7) Jim Halpert (The Office, tv)
8) James 'Sawyer' Ford (Lost, tv)
9) Danny Taylor (Without A Trace, tv)
10) Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds, tv)
11) Noah Bennet (Heroes, tv)
12) Michael Scofield (Prison Break, tv)
13) Dr. John ‘J.D.’ Dorian (Scrubs, tv)
14) Sam Winchester (Supernatural, tv)
15) ~~Chandler Bing (Friends, tv)~~
16) Jack Bauer (24, tv)
17) ~~Jason Bourne (The Bourne Identity, movie)~~
18) Westley (The Princess Bride, movie)
19) Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean, movie) - It's the hands, I swear
20) Rusty Ryan (Ocean’s 11, movie)
21) Detective Mac Taylor (CSI: NY, tv)
22) Detective Danny Messer (CSI: NY, tv)
23) Sheriff Jack Carter (EUReKA, tv)
24) Dr. Nathan Stark (EUReKA, tv)
25) Jonathan Creek (Jonathan Creek, tv)
26) Dr. James Wilson (House, MD, tv)
27) Mark Corrigan (Peep Show, tv)
28) Fitzwilliam Darcy (Pride and Prejudice, tv, book and movie)
29) Jools Siviter (Spooks a/k/a MI5, tv)
30) Captain Jack Harkness (Dr. Who/Torchwood, tv)
31) Danny Ocean (Ocean's 11, movie)
32) Jack Bristow (Alias, tv)
33) Dr. Owen Harper (Torchwood, tv)
34) The Doctor (Doctor Who, tv) - in an 'omg I will never EVER stop' way
35) Commodore James Norrington (Pirates of the Carribean, movies)
36) Nathan Petrelli (Heroes, tv)
37) ~~John Winchester (Supernatural, tv)~~
38) Eric Delko (CSI: Miami, tv)
39) Rick Simon (Simon & Simon, tv)
40) Ardeth Bay (The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, movies) - But only if he talks to me during, hehe
41) Withnail (Withnail & I, movie)
42) Gene Hunt (Life on Mars, tv)
43) Dean Winchester (Supernatural, tv) all night and all day and all night and all day ...
44) Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, tv)
45) Mick St. John (Moonlight, tv)
46) Mr. Big (Sex and the City, tv)
47) Henry Fitzroy (Blood Ties, tv) - PLEASE bite me
48) Tim Riggins (Friday Night Lights, tv)
49) Peter Petrelli (Heroes, tv)
50) Logan Echolls (Veronica Mars, tv)
51) ~~Rodney McKay (SGA, tv)~~ - omfg, diaf pls
52) Chris Keller (Oz, tv)
53) Mohinder Suresh (Heroes, tv)
54) John Sheppard (SGA, tv)
55) Dr. Daniel Jackson (SG-1, tv)
56) Alec McDowell (Dark Angel, tv)
57) Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, tv)
58) Priestly (Ten Inch Hero, movie)
59) Jason Teague (Smallville, tv)
60) Angelus (BtVS, Angel, tv) - Bondage pls?
61) Logan/Wolverine (X-Men, movie) - Rough ftw!
62) Jess Mariano (Gilmore Girls, tv)
63) Sam Tyler (Life On Mars, tv)
64) Harold Saxon/The Master (Doctor Who, tv)
65) Ianto Jones (Torchwood, tv)
66) Steven Hyde (That 70's Show, tv)
67) Cassidy Casablancas (Veronica Mars, tv)
68) Mason (Dead Like Me, tv)
69) Robbie Turner (Atonement, movie)
70) Derek Reese (Sarah Connor Chronicles, tv)
71) Chris Miles (Skins, tv)
72) Tony Stonem (Skins, tv)
73) Dexter Morgan (Dexter, tv) - Depends on if he's kill me or not
74) Reed Garrett (CSI: NY, tv)
75) Greg Sanders (CSI, tv)
76) Nick Stokes (CSI, tv)
77) Dick Casablancas (Veronica Mars, tv)
78) Charlie Pace (LOST, tv)
79) ~~Merry Brandybuck (Lord of the Rings, movie, book)~~
80) ~~Pippin Took (Lord of the Rings, movie, book)~~
81) Chuck Bass (Gossip Girl, tv)
82) Ryan Atwood (The OC, tv)
83) Charlie Prince (3:10 to Yuma, movie)
84) Brendan Frye (Brick, movie)
85) Seeley Booth (Bones, tv)
86) Noah Calhoun (The Notebook, movie)
87) Scotty Valens (Cold Case, tv)
88) Nate Archibald (Gossip Girl, tv)
89) Edward Cullen (Twilight, movie/book)
90) Emmett Cullen (Twilight, movie/book)
91) Louis Connelly (August Rush, movie)
92) Alex Karev (Grey´s Anatomy, tv)
93) Jake Perry (Sweet Home Alabama, movie)
94) Tyler Gage (Step Up, movie)
95) Denny Duquette (Grey's Anatomy, tv)
96) Jake Jagielski (One Tree Hill, tv)
97) Dean Forester (Gilmore Girls, tv)
99) Matt Saracen (Friday Night Lights, tv)
100) Cappie (Greek, tv)
101) Doug Ross (ER, tv)
102) Smith Jerrod (SATC, tv)
103) Ted Mosby (HIMYM, tv)
104) Spike (Notting Hill, movie)
105) Robert Chase (House MD, tv)
106) Jack O'Neill (SG1, tv)
107) Ned "The Pie Maker" (Pushing Daisies, tv)
108) Jack Sheppard (Lost, tv)
109) Ron Weasley (Harry Potter, Novel, Film)
110) Ronon Dex (Stargate Atlantis, tv) - He'd better pull my hair
111) Sirius Black (Harry Potter, Novel, Film)
112) Lucius Malfoy (Harry Potter, Novel, Film) - Gotta love asshole sex
113) ~~Samwise Gamgee (Lord of the Rings, Novel, Film)~~
114) Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars, Film) - old or young?
115) Qui-Gon Jinn (Star Wars, Film)
116) Robert Roy MacGregor (Rob Roy, Film)
117) ~~Captain James T. Kirk (Star Trek TOS, TV, movie)~~
118) ~~Mr. Spock (Star Trek TOS, TV, Film)~~
119) Captain John Hart (Torchwood, TV)
120) Frodo Baggins (Lord of the Rings, Book(s), Film(s))
121) Legolas Greenwood (Lord of the Rings, Book(s), Film(s))
122) Aragorn, Son of Arathorn (Lord of the Rings, Book(s), Film(s))
123) Harry Potter (Harry Potter, Book(s), Film(s)) - With Draco too
124) Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter, Book(s), Film(s)) - See above
125) Will (Pirates of the Caribbean, movie)
126) Prince Caspian (Narnia: Prince Caspian, movie)
127) Peter Pevensie (Narnia, books, movie) - too goody two shoes for me
128) King Henry VII (The Tudors, tv)
129) jim ellison (the sentinel, tv)
130) blair sandburg (the sentinel, tv)
131) ~~special agent fox mulder (the x-files, tv, movies)~~ - too eccentric, even for me
132) remus lupin (harry potter, books, movies) - doggy style
133) LT Harry Kim (Star Trek Voyager)
134) Captain Jean-Luc Picard (ST:TNG)
135) Barney Stinson (HIMYM)
136) BJ Hunnicut (M*A*S*H)
137) Dr. Luka Kovač (ER, tv)
138) Sayid Jarrah (LOST, tv)
139) Armand (Interview With the Vampire, Book, Film)
140) Ben ('Finn') Finnegan (Fool's Gold, movie)
141) John Doe ("John Doe," tv)
142) Mr. Sulu (Star Trek Original Series, tv)
143) Hector, Prince Of Troy ("Troy," movie)
144) Agent "J" (Men In Black, movie)
145) Martin Fitzgerald (Without a Trace, tv)
146) Dr Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds, tv)
147) Detective Don Flack (CSI:NY, tv)
148) Gabriel Gray aka Sylar (Heroes, tv) - Although he's forbidden to eat mah brain

My Four

149) Malek (Stargate SG-1, tv) - arrogant asshole all for ME!!!
150) Charles 'Trip' Tucker (Star Trek Enterprise, tv) - I hate southern accents, but his is just SOOOO sexy!
151) Leoben Conoy (Battlestar Galactica, tv) - Cylon or not, omg he's just sexy
152) Aries (Xena, tv) - God!

Lex pic spam

2008-05-30T14:02:31Z

Lex

2008-05-21T14:33:21Z

cheeky grin

2008-03-26T17:07:06Z

Meet the newest member of the family.

2008-03-21T19:58:04Z

On Wednesday morning, March 19th, at 4:13am I finally went into labor. I gave birth to a beautiful baby BOY at 8:05am. Talk about a surprise! He weighed 7lbs 8oz and was 20in long. He was born with a full head of hair and a rather laid back personality. It took several minutes for a nurse to force him to cry.

Pregnancy Countdown

2008-02-28T03:21:54Z

So, as of today I'm 149lbs, 1cm dilated, and I started my medication so I don't get depressed after baby and freak out like I did with the first two. Woo?

And FINALLY, after 5 Targets, K-Mart, Toys 'R Us, and a handful of Wal-Marts, we found a carseat. The other places had the large ones for toddlers, or their infant ones came with a stroller that I didn't fucking want or need. Assholes. What a serious pain in my ass.

Large Tummy Update

2008-02-22T00:54:48Z

Wow, it's been a while, but I have been so worn out. Between the holidays and the entire family being sick, it's been hectic. But I have less than a month left on this pregnancy and I just can't wait to go! I don't think I can get any bigger. Want proof?

Da big babehs:

This is the kitten, Pestiferous, that I got mom for her birthday:

This is him now, with my kids attached to him:

And this is him attached to me:

New Layout

2008-01-10T21:22:20Z

I have a new love. And with that love comes a new layout. It's nothing close to the direction I was heading in when I started, but hey, it's still all hotness. It took photobucket over two hours to let me upload the goddamned header picture. I was cussing and yelling and about to go into labor over it. Stupid fucking photobucket. But now it's up. Now, if I ever get off my lazy ass, I'll do a matching mood theme.

...HA!!!

So look at my layout! Oogle it! Praise it! And then cheer me the hell up. XD

Paralyzed 06

2008-01-09T03:37:18Z

Title: Paralyzed
Author: thetwistedstar
Pairing: Gerard/Frank
Rating: R
POV: Third
Summary: "Breaking News tonight. There has been a fatal bus crash just inside the state border, killing at least two people with one more in critical condition. From what we understand, a drunk driver lost control of his car in the rain and ended up in the other lane. His car then slammed head-on into the My Chemical Romance Tour Bus. Now for more from our correspondent on the scene..."
Disclaimer: I own no member of My Chemical Romance or any of their fans.
Author Notes: I'm really sorry about the delay of this story, but my computer died, taking all my stories with it. *screams in rage* It's taken me a while to get back the will to write and to continue with what I had. Thank you to annfrank for being a wonderful beta.

01: Out Of Nowhere
02: Waking Up
03: Shifting Backward
04: Going Home
05: Adjustments

Gerard absolutely hated physical therapy. He hated the place, hated the exercises, and hated the actual physical therapist. Yet it was a necessary evil. When he'd complained about it, the doctors had immediately began talking about his legs needing the exercise so they didn't atrophy and so they didn't lose any more mass than necessary. After all, it was all their hope that he'd be able to walk again someday.

Currently he was strapped securely to an exercise bike that was moving his legs for him as he held on. He was sweating, just like always, and it was uncomfortable. He hated seeing his limbs moving and not feeling them do it. His hips hurt from the repetitive motion and he just wanted to demand they stop and let him go the fuck home. He looked over at his brother with a pleading look, but as usual, Mikey wasn't looking at him. In fact, the man was staring out the window, apparently doing anything he could to not see his brother so helpless. Gerard hated himself for it.

"Your legs are losing too much muscle," the therapist told Gerard at the end of the session. "You need to exercise more at home."

Gerard raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you want me to do? Wriggle on the floor like a worm?" he snapped, his eyes narrowed at the man before him.

"I'm really sorry about that," Mikey said immediately, stepping up to the doctor with an apologetic look on his face.

Gerard shot his brother a scathing look that Mikey probably didn't catch as he was too busy talking with the ass. He just chewed on his thumbnail again, ignoring their conversation about new exercises they could incorporate into his routine at home and upping the amount of times they were done a week. Gerard didn't look at either of them as Mikey thanked the man and they left.

Gerard didn't speak to his brother or make any attempt of communication the entire way home and even after they were there. He let Mikey help him into his bed before he was left alone. Gerard slunk down in the covers, a childish pout on his face as he tried to calm down. He was irrationally mad almost all the time now and it was always aimed at someone else when he really should have just been mad at himself. But all he seemed to feel toward himself was loathing and a feeling of worthlessness.

Mikey didn't even want to be here. Gerard knew it. It was almost as if his brother hated him now and it hurt. Him and Mikey had always been so fucking close, but now it's like they didn't know each other and Mikey was just a hired babysitter. The only reason he was here was so Frank could get out and not be trapped with him every day. Gerard knew he must be tiring. Hell, he was tired of himself.

He sighed, wondering where Frank was. Images of Frank going out to buy cigarettes and meeting some guy that was outgoing and funny entered Gerard's mind. He shuddered and closed his eyes, but that only made it worse. He could imagine Frank casually agreeing to have coffee with him and the two of them hitting it off. Then would come the dinner dates and the holding hands. Gerard gulped and felt the tears well up in the corners of his eyes as he saw this stranger he hated kissing his Frank, holding his Frank, making love to his Frank.

Gerard wiped the tears away and looked out the window. Where was his Frank? Oh how he needed him now. He may think with all his heart that Frank deserved someone more, someone whole, but he couldn't stand the thought of giving him up. Frank needed someone that could hold him, kiss him, take him out, and make love to him. Gerard couldn't do all that. But that didn't mean he wouldn't try to do his best to hang on to the man he needed. He would do better. He would try harder. Frank was all he had left.

Gerard woke up to the smell of pancakes and the sound of dishes clanking together as they were taken out of the cabinet. He could hear the faint sound of humming and smiled. Frank was home, and he was making breakfast like always. Just knowing he was back made Gerard feel so much better. He hadn't slept well, his head tossing about as he tried to get comfortable. He'd never been one to sleep on his back before, and sometimes his body just refused. He sat up, propping the pillows up behind him and yawning as he scratched his head sleepily.

It wasn't long before Frank came in carrying a tray with pancakes, butter, syrup and orange juice. This man was truly heaven sent. The smile slid from Frank's face as Gerard asked him to set it on the floor though instead of his lap.

"Come here," he said, holding out his hand. Frank took the hand and was surprised when Gerard pulled him onto his lap so Frank was straddling him.

Gerard ran his fingers through Frank's hair. It was getting so long. He liked it. Gerard smiled as he pulled Frank down to his lips for a kiss. Frank's lips were soft against his own, pressing gently almost as if Frank was afraid Gerard was going to pull away. Gerard needed to reassure him and did so by pulling his head further into him. Gerard let his tongue run along Frank's bottom lip slowly, teasingly. Frank opened his mouth and Gerard was met with his tongue. As he kissed the man on his lap he realized how much he had really missed this. Kissing Frank was something he should never stop doing.

"What's gotten in to you?" Frank whispered as soon as he pulled away from the kiss.

"I can't kiss my boyfriend?" Gerard asked with a smile as he let his fingers tangle in Frank's hair again and pull him forward.

"I missed you," Frank said slowly before kissing Gerard again.

It was a simple enough thing, getting dressed in the morning. Gerard was trying desperately to do it himself and failing miserably. It's the pants that were being difficult. He wondered how in the world he'd thought trying to put his clothes on himself would be a good idea. He needed someone to remind him to just shut the fuck up and sit there instead of attempting something new. He sighed and eventually threw them across the room in frustration. They narrowly missed Frank as he walked into the room, a bemused expression on his face.

"Problems?"

"I'm going without pants today," Gerard announced as he shot the clothing a disdainful look.

"You're going to cause quite a scene," Frank said with a laugh as he plucked the jeans off the floor.

Gerard just sat there with the look of an upset child as Frank put the pants on for him. Frank laughed at the way he looked and was rewarded with Gerard's pout breaking into a smile before he was pulled down for a kiss.

"I feel so useless," he said softly after Frank pulled away.

"Stop it."

"But-"

Frank silenced him with another kiss.

"I love you. Now shut up."

Gerard allowed himself to be silenced and was wheeled out to the van. They were on their way to the doctor for a physical. He had to admit he was nervous. This check up would determine if he was healed enough from the last surgery to go back in again for another. There was also that feeling of excitement he couldn't help. Although the doctor said it could take several more surgeries, he was still holding on to that one hope that this next one would do it. He knew there was no use getting ahead of himself, but it was something that couldn't be helped.

That is all.

2008-01-03T01:31:57Z

Quickie

2007-12-20T02:08:32Z

So as to take up as little of your holiday time as possible, I shall make this a brief list.

-Had to move and it was hell
-We all got sick twice....but we got better
-My tummy is huge and this girl is kicking everything she can
-My desktop computer is fucked, which pisses me off to no end seeing as all my stories were there
-I don't want to go Christmas shopping this weekend
-Christmas is pissing me off
-People are pissing me off
-The kitten I got mom, dubbed Sir Pestiferous McHenry, is the win
-I love Rock 'n Roll (I also want Joan Jett, but that's sidetracking)
-I miss mah peoples!
-I haven't been on LJ in weeks, guh.

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!

...yeah, that should about do it.

Tagged by [Bad username: solongjade"]

2007-11-26T21:17:44Z

SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARE YOU

1. Something or someone hurting my kids.
2. Painful death.
3. The Exorcist
4. Spiders...the ones that have the round bodies that pop when you squish them. Guh!
5. Being alone.
6. Being in a crowd.
7. The government.

SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR ROOM

1. My huge ass Frank Iero poster.
2. My pillow.
3. My pajamas....sooo comfy.
4. My favorite novels of all time.
5. My first comics.
6. My lingerie. XD
7. The lube (sometimes you need a little help)

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU

1. I dislocated my thumb when I was 10 and it's never been the same.
2. Although my freckles and pale skin are from my Irish side, my red hair is not, infact, natural.
3. I enjoy driving alone.
4. I have OCD.
5. I think about sex more than most men.
6. I can pay attention and respond to at least 3 conversations at once.
7. I'm a very picky eater.

SEVEN THINGS YOU PLAN/WISH TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. Raft down the entire Grand Canyon.
2. Skydive.
3. Bungee Jump.
4. Go to Egypt.
5. Do something completely spontaneous! (Ya know, besides getting pregnant)
6. Build my dream house.
7. See my children be more successful than I am.

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN DO

1. Turn my tongue upside-down.
2. Flare my nostrils.
3. Debate for hours even if I'm wrong.
4. Breed.
5. Cartwheels. (STILL!)
6. Cook.
7. Fake it convincingly.

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN'T DO

1. Sing.
2. Draw.
3. Finish writing a novel.
4. Admit defeat to my husband.
5. Speak in front of a crowd of people.
6. Confront people.
7. Talk to strangers on the phone.

SEVEN THINGS ON SOMEONE THAT CATCH YOUR ATTENTION

1. Hair.
2. Eyes.
3. Hands.
4. Clothing.
5. Colors.
6. Jewelry.
7. Voice.

SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST

1. Lol (no, seriously)
2. WTF
3. Bite me.
4. Seriously.
5. Fuck (and all the variations thereof)
6. Goddammit.
7. Ah hell.

SEVEN CELEBRITY CRUSHES

1. Timothy Olyphant
2. Frank Iero
3. Sarah Michelle Gellar
4. Gerard Way
5. Kyle Schmid
6. Gerald Butler
7. Eric Bana

Tag yourself if you like. ^^

Stoleded from solongjade

2007-11-24T07:28:54Z

THE LIST

The rules are simple: Pick five people who you could conceivably do right now. No invented people, no dead people, no 'were attractive in their prime but not now' people. If they're on your list and you meet them tomorrow, you can do whatever dirty deeds you want with them and whoever you're with isn't allowed to get mad.

Who would you put on your list? In which order? And why?

And if you post your list, post it with pictures, because we could all do with more Teh Hot in our lives.

One: Timothy Olyphant

He's mature, he's hot, he's totally out of my league but oh my GOD I want to fuck him through the bed.

Two: Frank Iero

Just how much sexy can they pack into that little body of his?

Three: Sarah Michelle Gellar

This woman right here is why I want to become a lesbian.

Four: Gerard Way

Who doesn't want to fuck a diva?

Five: Kyle Schmid

It would be inappropriate to tell you where I want him to bite me.

Paralyzed 05

2007-11-14T20:34:54Z

Title: Paralyzed
Author: thetwistedstar
Pairing: Gerard/Frank
Rating: R
POV: Third
Summary: ""Breaking News tonight. There has been a fatal bus crash just inside the state border, killing at least two people with one more in critical condition. From what we understand, a drunk driver lost control of his car in the rain and ended up in the other lane. His car then slammed head-on into the My Chemical Romance Tour Bus. Now for more from our correspondent on the scene...""
Disclaimer: I own no member of My Chemical Romance or any of their fans.
Author Notes: Thank you to annfrank for being a wonderful beta.

01: Out Of Nowhere
02: Waking Up
03: Shifting Backward
04: Going Home

Gerard wasn't keeping track of time, letting days slide together in one boring blur, but he was pretty sure it had been at least two weeks since he'd been brought home. Two weeks since Frank had started putting his own life on hold to take care of Gerard. And the older man would never stop feeling the guilt for that. But he also knew he couldn't do this alone. He couldn't get out of bed, dress, go to the bathroom, bathe, or massage his legs like they needed. He felt useless. He was humiliated, and his only consolation was no one could see him. He was locked in this apartment with Frank so the world couldn't watch his downward spiral into self destruction. He was weak.

Frank had taken the first few days to completely rearrange Gerard's home. Now everything he would need was in reach of the wheelchair. Gerard couldn't even express how thankful he'd been for that, merely staring with his mouth hanging open like a fish out of water as Frank demonstrated the new arrangements enthusiastically. Frank had looked like a child on Christmas as he showed Gerard every little thing with a smile on his face.

And almost every night Mikey or his parents would drop by with leftovers from dinner. Gerard had insisted that he and Frank were perfectly capable of getting their own food, but they wouldn't hear anything of it. Gerard was still skittish around his family, seeing things in their eyes that made him lower his head. He did his best to not be in his wheelchair around the time they would be there. He was usually on the couch, his legs covered as he read a book or listened to Frank playing his guitar. He sometimes wished he could just grab the instrument from Frank and hit him with it. He knew it wasn't Frank's fault and he was just trying to help, but hearing their music was a horrible reminder of what he used to be, what he used to do. He couldn't be that anymore and it sent rage coursing through him.

When other people were over Frank would generally disappear. Sometimes he would go have a nap, and other times he would just leave the apartment. Gerard wasn't sure why Frank did it until he saw the way his father's eyes trailed Frank one evening.

"Don't blame him," was all Gerard said before changing the subject before his parents could answer. He didn't want to hear it. He could tell they hated Frank being here simply because it meant Gerard wouldn't be living with them. But hell, it wasn't like either of them volunteered to stay here with Gerard. Frank had, simple as that.

It was one ordinary afternoon, just like all the rest since he'd gotten out of the hospital, when Frank decided it was time for Gerard to get out of the house. The man refused, stubbornly sitting in his chair with his arms crossed and a 'don't fuck with me' look etched on his face. The only problem was it didn't seem to bother Frank.

"The great thing about these wheels on your chair is that I can just push you out the door whether you like it or not."

"I hate you."

Frank just grinned and grabbed the keys. Gerard knew he shouldn't have gotten dressed. He was now resigned to his fate, which he wasn't happy about. He kept his arms crossed, insisting Frank put a hat on him. Frank did it without question, probably not even thinking it was a protective move to possibly hide his face from view of the public. Gerard was at least thankful it was in the middle of the day and few people would probably be out.

When Frank wheeled Gerard up to a van he didn't recognize, the singer looked up in confusion.

"I got something that would be easy to get in and out of," Frank said without missing a beat and without the smile falling from his face. Gerard looked at him wide-eyed and then back at the van. The back was now opening and a ramp was coming down. Gerard felt his chest tightening from the mix of emotions now flowing through him. However sweet the idea was for the van, he knew Frank had bought this expensive piece of machinery with his own money. He was becoming more of a burden.

Frank seemed to pick up on the mood shift and crouched down in front of Gerard, swinging something in front of his face. It took Gerard a moment to recognize it as one of those handy handicapped signs that hangs on the rearview mirror. Gerard raised an eyebrow and scowled. "Is this supposed to cheer me up?"

"Oh come on! You get all the best parking spots!"

"I can't drive."

"You hate driving anyway."

"So you're what, my chauffeur?" with the smallest of smiles creeping onto his face.

"See, look at you! You're a pessimist with optimism!"

Gerard rolled his eyes. "Have you been taking my medication?"

Gerard knew he was being a spoilsport by refusing to let any of Frank's words cheer him up, but he couldn't help it. Too much of his mind kept telling him how worthless he was now. He watched as Frank just sighed and put the sign back in the van before coming around to wheel him into the van. He felt odd back there with all the straps, but what was he going to do about it?

The trip there was silent, Gerard staring blankly out the back window the entire time. He kept his eyes trained on the painted lines, letting them blur in and out of his vision before he would blink and let it start all over again. He let his mind just wander. He thought of past tours, of the thrill of being on stage and having people cheering at him. Hell, he remembered the thrill of being on stage and having people booing at him. He let his mind linger on the happy times he'd had stuck on that bus with those 4 other men for months at a time. There was always something going wrong, or someone always setting another man up for a joke.

Gerard missed it so much it made his heart ache.

He was thankful that Frank made no attempt to start a conversation as he was wheeled out of the van and into the grocery store. He kept his head down, refusing to look at anyone.

"I need to push the cart," Frank said suddenly. "Can you get around without me?"

Gerard knew part of Frank's tone was teasing, but it still hurt and made him scowl. "I'll be fine," he said lowly.

Frank grabbed the cart and walked slowly, letting Gerard keep pace just behind him. Several times Frank stopped suddenly as something caught his eye and Gerard would wheel straight into the back of his legs. He would wince and apologize, but Frank would just tell him it didn't hurt. Gerard knew he was lying.

Forty-five minutes later and they were still in the store, the amount of food in the cart starting to bulge over the top. Really, how much did they need? He looked up to see Frank poring over two different kinds of cereal in his hands. "Can't we just get both?" Gerard finally said.

"You're a genius!" Frank said, putting them both in the cart and starting to move away.

"Gerard Way?"

It was a voice he didn't recognize, but it made his blood run cold. Gerard looked up to see a young girl standing by him, her eyes wide and full of...was that pity?

"I knew it was you," she finally said with a smile on her face. She extended her hand. "I'm a big fan."

Gerard plastered on what looked like a pained smile and shook her hand. "Thank you," he forced out.

And then she started talking, and she wouldn't stop. Gerard looked around helplessly, mortified to find himself alone. This girl, who he now knew as Mandy-the-seventeen-year-old-that-absolutely-adored-his-music, was starting to make him more uncomfortable than before. He kept muttering 'thank you's as she gushed on about his accident and how terrible it was. I mean really. Did she not think he didn't know losing the use of his fucking legs was goddamn tragic and life altering? A few minutes later he was imagining picking up the nearest can or jar and chucking it at her head so she'd shut up.

Thankfully Frank came back around the corner, looking for his lost companion. "There you are," he said with a smile.

Gerard was so thankful that he almost laughed. He thanked Mandy again and told her he really needed to get going. Before she could say anything else he wheeled over to Frank and looked up at him. "Go. Now."

Frank was cooking and it smelled delicious. It's just that Gerard wasn't that hungry. He lay in bed, watching the menu for the Spaceballs DVD over and over, wondering where the cow came in. They had one fly by on the screen, but there were no cows in the movie. It was little things like that that bothered him. It was still a great movie nonetheless. He finally hit the play button on the remote as he heard Frank nearing the room.

He walked around and placed Gerard's plate on the table beside him with a smile. He leaned in and kissed Gerard on the forehead, making Gerard just want to pull away. Frank moved around to his side, shedding his pants and shirt as he went. Left in boxers, he crawled in bed with his food, starting to eat.

"Are you not hungry?" he asked Gerard.

"No, I'm just waiting for it to cool down some," Gerard lied, feigning a smile.

After a few minutes Gerard picked up his plate and started picking at it. He forced it down just to appease the man beside him and avoid the questions that would be asked. He was pretty sure his lack of hunger was a side effect of one of the many medications he was on, so it wasn't a big deal. After a while he set it down, sliding lazily into the covers to lay back. Only moments later he felt Frank's warm body beside him, wrapping a tattooed arm around his waist. Frank leaned up to kiss Gerard and he pulled away. Frank looked at him with hurt written on his face.

"Why are you wasting your time?" he asked quietly.

Frank blinked and looked at Gerard like he'd gone completely mad. "You're not a waste of time," he insisted.

"Whatever," Gerard said, turning his torso so Frank couldn't see his face. "I'm going to sleep."

Gerard felt guilt rising up to grip his heart. It hurt so much, but Frank needed more than Gerard could give him. And the way things were, he was certain he could never give Frank what he needed. If anything he could beg Mikey to come take care of him.

"I love you," he heard Frank whisper before feeling the bed moving. Frank was now laying further away, and Gerard felt like shit. Pure shit.

Paralyzed 04

2007-11-01T19:41:37Z

Title: Paralyzed
Author: thetwistedstar
Pairing: Gerard/Frank
Rating: R
POV: Third
Summary: ""Breaking News tonight. There has been a fatal bus crash just inside the state border, killing at least two people with one more in critical condition. From what we understand, a drunk driver lost control of his car in the rain and ended up in the other lane. His car then slammed head-on into the My Chemical Romance Tour Bus. Now for more from our correspondent on the scene...""
Disclaimer: I own no member of My Chemical Romance or any of their fans.
Author Notes: Thank you to annfrank for being a wonderful beta.

01: Out Of Nowhere
02: Waking Up
03: Shifting Backward

It was straining on everyone, yet no one would open their mouths to admit it. Sleep schedules were interrupted, eating patterns disrupted, and their lives put on hold. Ray and Bob were more frequent visitors now that they were officially discharged from the hospital. They were just as heart broken as the rest, but Mikey seemed to be taking it the worst. From the outside viewer he was the protective brother, ushering people in and out and getting anything his brother needed, except for coffee and cigarettes. Those were forbidden by the doctors. But if you knew the brothers, knew the bond they had, it was obvious it was strained at best. Mikey seemed to do everything he could to not look directly at Gerard, or even speak to him. Sometimes when his older brother slept, he would watch uninterrupted as he imagined things were back to normal. They weren't in a hospital but rather a cheap hotel with those pristine white sheets. It was too hard for him.

Frank, on the other hand, was at Gerard's side, constantly talking to him. He even snuck coffee in every single morning. He had a deck of cards he brought to the hospital and the two would play poker for hours. It was during those rare moments that Gerard would smile and mean it. When his parents came he would grin and bear it, although he was still convinced they were disappointed in him. He was always tense, always keeping the thought that he was less than a man buried in the back of his mind. He didn't deserve to be crippled like this. No. He deserved to be dead.

Gerard's constant nagging was becoming tiresome for the doctors and nurses that kept him under surveillance. Every time they walked in that door he would immediately set in on them, demanding to know when he could go home, when he could get out of this hell-hole and back to the real world. They would always tell him when the back surgery he'd had was healed enough to not be in danger of being damaged if he was out and about. And he always told them he would be fucking fine. After two and a half weeks of this, the doctors were certainly starting to show signs of strain from the rigorous questioning.

Now during these two weeks, several things happened. The first was a few days after the accident when Gerard felt the sudden urge to pee. He almost howled with laughter as he announced it to the entire room. The man was even pleased as he proceeded to piss into the tubes running out of him. Of course, then he'd been pissed that the nurses hadn't arrived in time to take his ass to the bathroom. When the doctor had gotten to the room just after, she calmly explained that it was normal. The part of his spinal column that controlled his functions hadn't been damaged, but temporarily out of order you might say due to the surgery.

That had killed his mood permanently.

The second major event was the sudden flooding of mail. Obviously news of the accident had traveled to a lot of fans, and Gerard was overwhelmed with 'get well' cards and home made stuffed animals. He read them all religiously until he would be crying so hard he could barely breathe. Then he would hand them to Frank who would read them out loud to him. Their words of comfort, of how much they admired and loved him sent him reeling down a spiralled abyss. They were all carefully placed back in their envelopes or packages and stacked in the corner until Mikey gathered them all together and piled them up in Gerard's deserted apartment. Well, all save one. There was a teddy bear someone had made to look like Frank, complete with his old nose and lip piercing as well as the red 'x's across his eyes. Gerard kept that one with him, dubbing the bear Pansy.

Along with the fans' letters came the fans that actually tried to visit Gerard. As sweet as their intentions were, lying to the receptionist and telling her that they're his cousin's uncle's brother's nephew wasn't the way to go about it. Under normal circumstances Gerard would have thought it was sweet, but the idea of anyone else seeing him in this state was terrifying on multiple levels. It seemed the hospital was getting tired of it all too, and started letting them through, only to have one of the guys stopping them before they could walk in the door. After a few days of this, they had to hire a bodyguard to stand at the door.

He was cutting himself off.

Three weeks of one's life is too long to spend cooped up in one room, especially when said room is immaculately white and starting to blur your vision. Gerard was as thrilled as he could be while still being utterly depressed when it was announced he could go home. His parents were there, making preparations to take him to their house.

"No."

His mom looked over at him, her forehead wrinkling in confusion. "What honey?" she asked in her soft voice.

"I said no. I don't want to move in with you guys."

"Honey we'll take care of you-"

"I'm not a child."

"But-"

"I can go back to my own apartment. I'll be fine".

"Gerard, you should really let us help."

Gerard shook his head at his father now. "Let me do this. Please."

"You're coming with us son," came that stern no nonsense voice. But Gerard wasn't planning on listening to it this time.

"It's my Goddamn life. It's my Goddamn decision. I lost the use of my legs, not my fucking brain."

A thick silence filled the room, threatening to be sucked down his throat and choke him. Everyone looked at him, but he just looked up at his father with the look of a petulant child that refused to do as they were told. He folded his arms across his chest and glared. He slowly saw the resolve on his parents' faces dissolving and knew he had won. He just wanted to return to as normal a life as possible. The more familiarity he had the better. And although his parents' house was comforting, knowing that he was there and dependent on them was almost like a slap in the face. He would be fine.

The silence finally lifted as his father told him he was free to make his own choices. Damn right. This stubborn man was going to get his way if he had to fight through hell to get it.

Gerard watched as Frank talked to the doctors with his parents, and almost winced as he saw the cutting look they directed at him. He knew they were upset, although it wasn't because he was Gerard's boyfriend. No, this was because they knew he would be with Gerard and they wouldn't. Jealousy was a cheap parlor trick. He didn't even have to ask Frank to stay with him. It was understood that he would be there, because that's what he did. He stuck to Gerard through everything. He was better than that.

He tried to listen to the instructions being left, and raised his eyebrows at the stack of prescription sized papers that Frank was handed. He visibly gulped. Then entered the nurse with a wheelchair. Gerard eyed it with uncertainty. The wheels looked like something off a bicycle he owned when he was twelve, and the seat didn't look very comfortable. But it was either that chair or this hard bed. The chair seemed to be the lesser evil of the two, but only barely.

He looked around the room at everyone there. All eyes were on him and he just wished they weren't for once. He didn't want the attention. He would rather curl up in a little ball and melt into the cracks on the floor. He grabbed the nurse's arm as he held it out, another nurse helping on the other side. He felt the pressure on his back and his head swimming as he leaned forward, but he kept going. Even when he was straining and out of breath, he wouldn't stop. Pains shot through his arms and torso from their lack of use and he bit his lip to stop the noise threatening to escape his throat. By the time the process was over, his eyes were teary and the parts of him he could feel were sore and stiff. Well that sucked.

Gerard blinked several times to clear his vision and looked at the people around him. "What?" he questioned as they just looked.

"Maybe we should get you some pants," Frank said quickly, moving over to the duffel bag sitting in a nearby chair.

Gerard looked down and groaned. How much worse could this get? He wasn't completely hanging out, but the trip from the bed to the chair had pulled his itchy hospital gown dangerously high. Frank pulled out a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt, heading over to Gerard. Thankfully, everyone in the room, including his parents, began filing out. It was bad enough he needed someone to help him change clothes. But it would be far worse to let them see it.

He looked up at Frank. "Thank you," he whispered.

Getting Gerard in and out of the van had been difficult. They'd used their old tour van since it was the only vehicle they had that had room for him and the wheelchair, and the 4 other people that were riding with as well. Gerard had been picked up like he was going to break and placed in his seat. He would have been riding the pampering wave like a three year old, but for the fact he couldn't feel his legs. It was only a small consolation he could feel his male anatomy now considering he used his legs more.

The ride to his apartment had been quiet, and the only words uttered after were the curses and grunts as they tried to carefully get him out of the van and into the wheelchair. Frank took control of the chair and wheeled them inside, heading straight for the elevator. Thankfully this place was new enough to have one and they wouldn't have to contend with stairs. They all packed inside and went straight to the seventh floor. Frank pulled his keys out of his pocket and opened the door, letting them all inside.

The living room was full of bags of fanmail that Mikey had left there. Bob nearly tripped and fell, scattering most of a bag across the floor.

"The fuck?"

Everyone started laughing, a laugh so boisterous it was almost forced. It had broken the ice, led the way to more normalcy. Gerard didn't like them all being silent. They had never been before. It felt more like home. He hurt from head to toe despite his heavy pain medications, but part of that was probably psychological. He'd always been a slight head case.

Ray and Mikey went over to help Bob pick up the letters and shove them back in the bag. They were laughing as they went, joking with each other about some of the funnier ones. Gerard's favorite had been the girl asking if he would still be able to impregnate a woman so he could have children. He'd nearly cried from laughing at that letter. He suspected it was from the same person who'd requested a sperm sample from him so her and her life partner could have a child.

People were psychotic.

Gerard watched Mikey, how he laughed and smiled with Bob and Ray. He didn't do that with Gerard anymore. It made him feel as if he failed at being a brother, Mikey's protector. Mikey's smiles at him never reached his eyes. They talked less and less. And now that he was out of the hospital, he was sure the time between Mikey visiting would lengthen.

Gerard sighed, looking around his sparsely furnished home. Now he was thankful he hadn't gotten much. It would have been difficult to maneuver around with much else.

After the mail was back in the bag, Bob and Ray flopped down on the couch with Mikey as Frank wheeled Gerard over to it. Then he left and came back with drinks.

"Where did you-"

"We-mom and dad and me- went to the store and bought you some food and stuff," Mikey said quietly, now studying the trickle of condensation running down the side of his cold soda.

"Oh, thanks," Gerard said cheerfully, popping his open and downing almost half the can in three swallows.

A few hours later, after silence had filled the apartment, everyone left. Well, except Frank. He stayed with Gerard, wheeling him into the bedroom as the black haired man yawned widely.

"But I'm not tired," he protested.

Frank snorted, untucking the covers from the bed and moving them down. Gerard grabbed the side of the mattress in an attempt to lift himself up. A sharp pain ran through his side just as Frank came over and took on all of Gerard's weight himself.

"Don't do that," he scolded, hefting the man into bed. Frank positioned him on the left side, where he always slept, before taking off Gerard's pants. Frank tucked the covers in around him and kissed Gerard lightly.

The older man accepted the kiss sadly, realizing how helpless he really was. Frank was sitting beside him, now moving the hair out of his face gently. His touch was so loving and so caring that Gerard almost wanted to shove him away. He didn't deserve this. All this pain he was putting everyone through. He should be dead. Now he was just a burden.

Then Frank left, and Gerard missed the heat instantly. He shuddered, looking down at the lumps under the comforter where his legs were. He hated them. He hated himself. He hated that he couldn't do anything. He hated that he was alone.

Not long after, Frankie wheeled in Gerard's entire entertainment center from the living room. Gerard nearly laughed at him. The younger man spent the next twenty minutes plugging everything back in and hunting down the correct cords for it all. Several curses later, Gerard was presented with a widescreen tv complete with DVD player. He was so happy he nearly cried.

Frank picked out a movie and put it on, crawling in bed beside of Gerard. "Looks like I'm moving in."